Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
