I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
