so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We are two peas in an std pod
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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