im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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