I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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