Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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