So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize