I hate your face
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
