It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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