I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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