rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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