I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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