Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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