today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
