Barsexuality is the new black.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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