Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
