Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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