She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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