how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
