A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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