Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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