Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
