I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
