her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
