Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
