i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
