I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
