my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
