I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
