i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When are your genitals available?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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