U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
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the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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