yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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