2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
