All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
