There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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