When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
