things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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