Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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