i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
two words: eviction party
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bring me that man meat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
