she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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