Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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