So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
