Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
