Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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