Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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