remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
