I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
