Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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