Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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