I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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