More tranny stories later!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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