Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
