I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
