think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
