No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
