did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
