Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
