you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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