ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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