my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
