turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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