i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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