Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize