Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
