where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
