I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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