Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
