Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
